THANK YOU, CARRIE FISHER.

Only two celebrity deaths has fully hit home to me: Robin Williams and as of today, Carrie Fisher. It sucks that we lost her because she was such a strong, witty, and smart woman. She carried herself unapologetically with such great confidence and power and never conformed to what Hollywood told her she was. As a Star Wars fan I feel like I’d just lost someone so close to me; like a mother or a sister or a friend. I lost a role model who I cared for and loved so dearly.

Carrie battled with addiction, mental illness, sexism, ageism, and body shaming, and she survived through all of them. She was very open about her mental illness and talked about it in great depths that will forever have a big impact on me and many others. She taught me how to be a strong woman despite of being seen as weak and being seen as the damsel in distress – the one that always had to be saved. She taught me that I can save myself, that I can become who I want to become when I rise above hate. She taught me that being a princess doesn’t mean that I had to be saved, because I can save myself. She killed her oppressors using the chains they put on her (literally, I mean look at Jabba the Hut). She taught me to resist and fight for myself, to be bold and truthful and loud and own myself and everything I do. She taught me to be open about my mental health, that it’s okay to suffer from these things and that getting help is important. She taught me that girls can be anything. That’s the Carrie Fisher I know.

She wasn’t only Princess Leia, she’s an author, a screenwriter, an actress, a mother. She was so much more and she had such huge impact on Hollywood and I will be forever thankful to have known her even through a movie screen. She deserved the world and I lover and owe her so much.

Carrie is the brightest star in the galaxy and I am sure that the Force is with her.

Thank you, Carrie Fisher, for everything you have done, for the impact you’ve created and will continue to create even after you’re gone. You will always be the strong, funny, witty woman we grew up to.

We love you and you know.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Hey everybody! I know I haven’t posted anything in over a month and it’s almost been like a hiatus. It’s just been really busy lately because of the new semester, school work, and moving. Yes, moving. This is what this post really is about.

My parents and I are officially moving back in Toronto on May 7th. However, I still have to finish the school year here in Mississauga so I can’t move in to our new place until the beginning of July. I don’t know where I’m going to stay during that over-a-month period of time but I’m sure it’ll work out.

We were first planning to move to Brampton, which is just a few minutes away from my current house right now but that didn’t work out. Then, we planned to move to one of the semi-detached houses in Niagara, having the house attached to ours be my mom’s coworker’s house. We were all ready to move in but the plan was that if my family or my mom’s friend didn’t get approved by the bank, we wouldn’t buy the house. So yeah, that didn’t work. It was too far too, I thought, but I guess if we ended up living there I would get used to it sooner or later. And now, the same friend of my mom told us about an apartment that was on the market at their building. We checked it out, was really impressed because it looked more like a condo than an apartment, took the deal, and now we’re buying furniture. We’ve got bed frames, mattresses, paintings, dining table, mirrors, blinds, etc. We’re all set, I think.

I’m really excited about this whole thing, if I were being honest with you. The new place we’re going to live in is in the city, it’s surrounded by buildings and night life and pretty lights and busy people trying to get to work everyday. And if you knew me, that’s exactly my dream. I’ve always wanted to be in New York City and Toronto is just like that, except less lively. Anyways, I’m super hyped because I got a bunch of new furniture I can use when I move in early July. I can’t wait to meet new people and go to a new school although the thought of leaving my current friends still saddens me. It always crosses my mind. My friend told me a couple of days ago that I won’t be able to graduate with them, or go to prom with them, and do all these high school things with them and even if they invite me to go, it won’t be the same because I’m not really a part of the school. Does that make sense? But yeah, you know, typically it makes me sad but I’m still excited.  It still hasn’t hit me that I’m leaving so right now I barely feel anything about the entire situation.

Because of this whole thing, I’m reminded that nothing in life stays forever. People come and go and things will never always be there and what we need to learn is to deal with it. It’s hard to say goodbyes but we need to learn how to say them anyways. It’s tough, yes, but pain is temporary, just like anything else. I mean, you can always keep in touch with people by texting or calling or video chats or through social media. There are endless amounts of ways you can communicate with your friends. From this situation I learn that things may end but there will always be another start. I’m so thankful.

Anyways, that’s all. Just wanted to update you guys about what’s been happening lately. I’ll try to post pictures of the apartment when I visit it again and I’m gonna try to keep you guys updated. Thanks for still being here. I appreciate it. 🙂

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

I have seen Good Will Hunting quite a couple times but it wasn’t until the last time that I saw it, which was during the first few days of January, that it really hit how much this movie means a lot to me. I haven’t stopped thinking about this movie ever since. It contains so much emotion and depth that it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry for a few days straight.

The movie is about Will Hunting, played by Matt Damon, who has an IQ of a genius but works as a janitor at MIT. He solves a difficult mathematical problem and is later consulted to a therapist played by Robin Williams. Will is just a regular guy, nothing big happens in his life and he usually just goes out to the bar to drink beer with Chuckie, portrayed by Ben Affleck, and his other friends. He meets a girl, Skylar, who is played by Minnie Driver, but he still needs to re-evaluate his relationships with himself and the people he surrounds himself with the help of Robin’s character in order to find his direction in life.

This movie has changed my life, as cheesy and corny as that may sound, and has opened my eyes to things that I thought didn’t matter much before. If you still haven’t seen Good Will Hunting, I highly suggest that you do. By the way, the screenplay is written by both Damon and Affleck which they won Oscars for!

But this is what this post is about.

W h a t   c a n   w e   l e a r n   f r o m   G o o d   W i l l   H u n t i n g ?

1. Use your talent.
Will is incredibly smart yet he refuses to move out of South Boston to use his knowledge. Often times, our hidden talents stay hidden, and I feel like this is the case for me. Quite a lot of people say that I’m very good at writing and should probably think about starting a book, which I still haven’t done because I don’t feel like I’m good enough to write something that people would want to keep reading. Because of this, I resorted to starting a blog. I have no problem with this blog since I’ve always wanted to do it anyway, but in a way it was also a sort of “shield” for the whole book-writing thing. There are people out there who are incredibly good at something but they choose to not let anyone know about this talent because of fear, this then makes them settle for what they have now instead of using their ability to make something greater of themselves.

2. Education doesn’t always come from a classroom.
I hate how true this is because it makes me want to just go out there and learn everything I possibly can. There are just certain things in life, or really about life, that you don’t learn in a classroom. There are situations in life that you would have to deal with first hand and later on learn from it. That’s what Will is like. Even though he’s clearly a genius, he learns from the things he comes across to.

See, the sad thing about a guy like you is in fifty years, you’re gonna start doing some thinking on your own, and you’re gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: one, don’t do that. And two, you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f***ing education you could have got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library.

– Will

3. We’re all just trying to find out what our purpose is in life. Some may take longer than others.
Will didn’t have direction in his life before he met Sean (Williams). He didn’t know what he wanted to do with himself or where he was headed. He didn’t know and had no idea what to do. I can relate to Will during that time because I mentioned before that I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and frankly same goes for my purpose. I don’t really know whether or not I’ve already served my purpose here on earth or if I still have yet to do it. But I know one thing’s for sure, it’s okay if we take time. There’s no rush.

4. Sometimes all we need is a little push.
I think my favourite part of the entire movie is when Chuckie tells Will how it is.

‘Cause tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50. And I’ll still be doing this sh*t. And that’s all right, that’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winning lottery ticket and you’re too much of a p*ssy to cash it in. And that’s bullsh*t. `Cause I’d do anything to f***ing have what you got. So would any of these f***ing guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here in 20 years. Hanging around here is a f***ing waste of your time. […] Oh, I don’t know that? Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by your house and I pick you up. And we go out we have a few drinks and a few laughs, and it’s great. You know what the best part of my day is? It’s for about 10 seconds from when I pull up to the curb to when I get to your door. Because I think maybe I’ll get up there and I’ll knock on the door and you won’t be there. No goodbye, no see you later, no nothin’. You just left. I don’t know much, but I know that.

– Chuckie

Personally, this is what I think really pushed Will to finally leave Boston and do something greater with his life. I feel like Will needed someone that really cares about him and have that person tell him to go after it and do something far greater for himself. And I feel that having those words come out of Chuckie, a guy who barely gives a damn about anything at all, really woke up Will to his senses. I think some of us just really need that little push to make us go for it. And if you’re that person right now waiting for someone to wake you up to your senses, I’m here to tell you to go for it. Go. Go after whatever it is you’ve been meaning to go after.

5. It’s okay to let people in, sometimes it’s exactly what we need to do.
Will didn’t want to go through therapy at first because he felt like he didn’t have any problems. But later on, he opens up to Sean about his life and how things have been for him. There’s a scene where Sean repetitively tells Will “it’s not your fault” until Will cries and they hug it out. This was when I learned that Will has had so much bottled up inside of him that he was just ready to burst any moment. On the outside, he seemed like this really confident, cocky guy who doesn’t care much but inside he’s broken and has a lot going on.

Often times, the reason why we don’t open up to other people is because we fear that they’ll judge us for feeling the way we do. But quite frankly, there are times that we need to open up to someone and tell them what’s going on with us instead of bottling up all these emotions inside of you. Just remember:

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6. Things will be okay.
Sean told Will that bad times wake us up to the good stuff we weren’t paying attention to. I can’t even begin to tell you how true that has been for me. My religion teacher gave my class and advice this week: just wait. He said that things will be okay and all we have to do is just wait. It may not seem like it now but you will be fine, and you will be happy again and you will look back into this obstacle you’re facing and smile at the fact that you overcame.

7. Real loss only occurs when you’ve loved somebody more than you love yourself.
Need I say more?


Guys, please go watch this movie if you still haven’t. It’s beyond beautiful and I cannot emphasize that enough.

FIND YOUR WIRE

I just watched The Walk which starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I can say that it is a very good (not to mention, inspirational) movie. If you guys have not seen it, I really recommend it although half the movie is spoken in French. I still have troubles processing the whole movie in my mind because it was a true to life story, and to think that someone is motivated and brave enough to do such thing just absolutely boggles my mind.

WARNING: Before I even continue, this is a spoiler alert, so if you don’t want spoilers then just don’t read this post.

Anyway, the movie is about Philippe (JGL), a French wire-walker, who has an insane dream: to walk on a wire across the Twin Towers in New York City. The man was extremely driven and motivated to fulfill his dream and that’s why I adored him. He did wire walk shows in France which gained him some popularity and he headed to New York with his girlfriend, Annie. No one knew the plan to walk across the Twin Towers except for Philippe and Annie who later on recruited a crew of people to help them with the task. Mind you, what they were doing is illegal and not to mention, dangerous.

Fast forward to a bunch of scenes, Philippe was finally on the wire and he goes back and forth from one tower to another. When Annie had accumulated a crowd on the street, Philippe looked down at them and said that he felt peaceful. He continues to walk back and forth the towers until he rests his back against the wire, looking at the clouds. When he finally is off the wire, he was arrested but I think his sentence or punishment was that he had to perform a wire walk show in Central Park for children.

May I just say that the movie was great and the CGI looked real. Also, the times when the camera faced the ground and gave that bird’s eye view almost made me throw up. I am not a fan of heights.

The reason why I’m talking about this movie is because it had a very nice lesson. If you didn’t know yet,  I am all for movies with life lessons. Anyway, The Walk was very good in my opinion. Philippe had this enormous dream and he was driven by it. He never gave up and you will see this in the movie when he told himself “it’s impossible, but I’ll do it” while standing on the tower’s ledge. I admired how motivated he was and he didn’t let what other people thought of his dream. He found different ways to make his dream happen and when he finally did, it meant so much to him. In the end, he was rewarded a pass to the Twin Towers and he was allowed to be on the observation deck whenever he wanted to.

In the movie, Philippe says “I was always searching. Looking for a perfect place to hang my wire.” and I really loved that. I feel as if we should be more like him, well-motivated and brave. You see, we all have this dream and many of us are afraid or aren’t brave enough to fulfill it. We become bombarded with thoughts and fear of what other people may think or the fear of failure. These thoughts take us away from wanting to achieve what we want to do. In the process of trying to achieve the dream, we are going to face trials and some hardships, just like how Philippe did when he stepped on a nail and had to walk the wire with a bleeding foot. But that does not mean we give up, in fact, those trials should make us stronger and better. No matter how insane his   dream is, and how many times he was laughed at and thought crazy, he did not let that stop him. Philippe’s goal was to walk on the wire across the Twin Towers, and at first it seemed crazy and impossible, but when he was doing it, you just know that he is proud of himself, and that he is happy to be doing what he always wanted to do.

As of now, I don’t have a dream, at least not yet. Yes, I have a dream of going to places but that’s not really a top priority dream, if you know what I’m saying. Even if I haven’t figured it out just yet, I hope that I keep searching, just how he did trying to look for places to hang his wires. But I really do hope that when I do figure out what this dream is, I hope I’d have the same motivation and bravery to fulfill it as much as Philippe did, no matter how crazy this dream may turn out to be. I hope to always remember that anything is possible as long as I put my heart and mind into it. I hope to never give up, to not let people’s judgements wear me down, but lift me up instead and make me want to do it more rather than leaving it behind. But most importantly, I hope to one day find my wire, and look for places where I can hang it so I could walk on it and dare to do what was deemed impossible.

I DON’T WANT TO BE LATE

I didn’t know thinking about my future would make my head hurt. I used to think that people just grow up, and have a family and they have an assigned job for them. I never thought that you would need experiences for those jobs, and study about that career path, and go through the process of looking for those jobs, and sometimes you don’t even end up getting the job or getting into the career that you so loved (what a bummer).

I’m currently 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. Just last week, they announced that we were to pick our courses for next year (junior year) and that we must have our courses submitted before Thursday of this week. I just submitted my courses today. I’m taking (hopefully, I’m not 100% sure if I’ll get the courses since I’m a little late with my submission) english, functions, religion, biology,  chemistry (I never wanted to do this but my mom told me to), entrepreneurship (not sure what this is, to be honest), anthropology/psych, and economics. To be honest with you, I did not think it through although I still went through the courses and read through summaries of them.

It’s so much pressure, you know – to have to choose what you’re going to do for the next year when you’re only given two weeks to think about it. And those things that you will choose will lead you to a certain path in your life. I find it so crazy how I have to think about something that is such a big part of my life and make a decision about it in such a short period of time. Why why why. 

I still don’t even know what I want to do when I grow up. I’ve often thought about it and my answer has always been “I want to do something with writing – journalism or being a writer..” and even then I’m not a 100% sure if that’s really what I want to do. All I know is that I love to write, and I love the feeling that writing gives me when I put the pen’s ink on paper. I don’t know what I want to do with my future and it often worries me because 1.) What if I still don’t know what I want to do once I graduate university? 2.) What if I study about english and literature and when I graduate, writing isn’t even a career that I could take? 3.) What if I get a job that has nothing to do with the degree I graduated with or the courses I took, where will I get experience for the job that I have? 4.) What if I don’t turn out happy in the long run? 5.) Why am I so late? People around me have it figured out, why don’t I? I don’t want to be late. You see, all these thoughts run into my head whenever I think about my future and it really does make my head hurt, especially #4. I want to be happy with what the future holds.

All I know is one thing: I want to do what I love – whatever it is. Right now, what I love to do is writing. Later on that may change, so I just want to stick with whatever I love to do and take a path to a career that’s related to that.

“If you can do what you do best and be happy, you’re further along in life than most people.”

– Leonardo DiCaprio

It’s ironic that my favourite quote is said by my favourite person. Anyway, yeah, I agree with what Leo said. I want to do what I do best and be happy with it. Right now, I’m just trying to live day by day and taking life as it is. I don’t want to think about my future although I know that it’s inevitable and sooner or later I’ll have to think about it again. But for now, no. I’ll let God handle it since He has my life figured out. But please God, give me a clue or a sign, send some help please *puppy dog eyes*.

Frankly, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, or what I want to do in the future. Please refrain from asking me such questions because I will probably end up crying.