It has been long since I last thought about you. Frankly, it’s been years. I had promised never to do this anymore – to keep writing about you, about us. But I can’t help but think how this time two years ago, everything was so different. It’s not that I wish I could turn back time because I would rather not go back and experience the situation again. I don’t miss it, I never had. Or at least I thought I never had. Not until today. Not until pieces of today reminded me of you.
The girl who sits in front of me in Art class told me that Hale was coming to town, and all I could remember was that you loved them. That was the band that you adored since you were 9, and Blue Sky was the song you made me listen to when you drove me home late that one night. And just like that. Just a simple, “this band is coming on Saturday”, brought me back to the memory of us – to that night when you said that you think you’re right about us, you said you’re not exactly sure of what we’re doing but you’re hoping for the best. Earlier today, someone put on the hand sanitizer you always put on before you do anything. Then it took me back to the time when you said that you’re not exactly a germaphobe, you’re just trying to be safe, because it’s better to be safe than sorry. I remembered how that scent always stayed with you for the rest of the day, and I guess it stayed with me too because whenever I smell it, you’re the first thing that comes to mind. Then my friend had come up to me and asked for help because her and her boyfriend are going through rough patches, and I thought about us, our first fight. We were six months in and we were screaming things at eachother and saying things we didn’t mean. I was scared because I thought I was going to lose you, and you are where I find myself, so if I lost you, I would lose myself in the process. Then I saw her with you. Today. I didn’t feel much, I didn’t get mad, or sad, or disappointed. Seeing you both together made me think about how at one point, I was standing in her position, I was your happiness and I was your reason. But like seasons, people change. Like leaves, we fall and leave, and new leaves come back. Sometimes we find new people that make us better, and I guess for your case, that’s what happened. I guess the reason why it didn’t hurt seeing you with someone else is because I know you’re happy. I know that she means so much to you more than I ever did – and I’m absolutely fine with that because I’ve made peace with the thought of you with someone else.
I never liked remembering the past, because with it comes the times that I was not happy and I am trying my best to smile genuinely again. Thinking about what had already taken place and also thinking about what could have taken place – they all come back to you and all the memories we’ve created.
I apologize for writing about you again, or for writing about us. It is not something that I will keep doing because I am so sick of it, I am so sick of spilling out these words and them just floating in the air, with no absolute purpose or reason. It won’t touch your heart, or hug your soul, and this is why it’s pointless. But I hope that, wherever you are and whoever you’re with, you’re happy, because you deserve all the happiness in the world.
Hi. This post has been sitting in my drafts for three months. It’s been quite long that I don’t really remember what got me into writing it. But this is a product of my imagination and did not happen to me or anyone I know, hopefully. But here you go anyway.