I once read a quote by Beau Taplin that said:
Sometimes a decision you might consider a regret or failure can turn out to be a catalyst for something extraordinary in the end. Some of life’s wildest journeys begin with a wrong turn.
With highschool graduation fast approaching, I can’t help but reconsider and think about my past choices as well as the ones I’m making now, and the ones I will be making in the near future. It’s scary to think that the things I think are good for me now, won’t be good to me in the long run. I admit I still have these thoughts. What if I do something that won’t benefit me later on? What if I think I know what I want and when I finally get it, it doesn’t satisfy nor fulfill me like I thought it would? What if this entire time I’m not really sure what I want for myself? And then I think about me in the future where I’m looking back at my decisions and am not happy with how my life turned out or I have regrets with my life. That’s the thing, isn’t it? Regret.
Somebody opened up to a few months ago about his life; how he feels like he passed up such a great opportunity when he was younger and is now paying for it, and due to him passing up that said opportunity, it lead his life to another path that he feels is not satisfying him. He talked briefly about it because it was the end of the day and I had to go home, but it’s been on my mind since he told me. I don’t think he’s happy with his relationship and who he’s with right now and I’m trying to be understanding of both parties.
One of my biggest fears in life is marrying somebody who, later on, I realize I no longer love, or vice versa. Or that I realize that it was a bad move or choice to marry that said person. But it would be too late when you realize it. You’ve already moved in with them or you have a family together. I’m not sure if it’s true when they say that you never really know somebody until you live with them, but I don’t want to take that long to finally get to know how someone is really like. If I realize that I not longer feel anything for my partner, I want to talk to them about it, and somehow come to a conclusion on what we can do. But I don’t want to realize that kind of thing when we’re all settled down.
I think regret is a big fear many of us have. In fact, I have never met anybody who doesn’t have regrets. It’s such a big part of our lives that it has the power to hold us back and refrain us from doing what we want to do. It chains us and makes us back out. There are constant thoughts inside our heads wondering if you’ll regret something later on in life. We become afraid of change because we might regret that it won’t be as fulfilling or good as what we had in the past. But change can be a beautiful thing too, right? Sure we regret things about our lives and how some things turned out but we still have the future to look forward to. I think it’s just a matter of how we face what is ahead of us rather than focusing on the past and having the past play such a big role in what is happening to our present that it refrains us from the future.
I don’t know how to not have regrets because I’ve always had them. I’ve always dealt with regretting things after doing them. I admit I’ve backed out of many things due to the constant worry that I might regret doing that thing later on. And it sucks, it really does. Because it holds me back from truly and fully experiencing what life has to offer me. There’s always that fear of being humiliated or getting my hopes up for something that won’t be as rewarding as I hyped it up to be. Often times, instead of learning from my mistakes, I focus on them so much and the fact that I hated that I did it, that I end up not doing things to make myself improve. Instead I just sulk in self-pity and blame myself for getting my hopes up for nothing. So I hope I quit doing that.
This is just an open letter to myself, and to anyone who reads this.
Life is great; not always, but for the most part it is. Life is, in fact, simultaneously the shortest yet also the longest thing that has ever been given to us. It’s too short to have regrets. It’s too short to focus on the regrets that you already have. It’s too short to have those regrets stop you from improving yourself – from going out there and making something of yourself. Everyday I try to forget what I regret in my past; the things I did and didn’t do, the things I said and didn’t say. I try to improve and use those past mistakes to better myself. It isn’t easy because life isn’t easy, therefore trying to forget your past mistakes and the regrets that were results of it are difficult to just brush off. But try. Try until you’re able to go out there and do what you will. The saying “live life with no regrets” will always prove false, because you cannot possibly live a lifetime without wishing you had or hadn’t done something. So just live as much as you can. Learn to move on because better things are coming. And like Marina Nemat said, “somewhere beyond the stars, the sun is rising.”