WRONG TURN

I once read a quote by Beau Taplin that said:

Sometimes a decision you might consider a regret or failure can turn out to be a catalyst for something extraordinary in the end. Some of life’s wildest journeys begin with a wrong turn.

With highschool graduation fast approaching, I can’t help but reconsider and think about my past choices as well as the ones I’m making now, and the ones I will be making in the near future. It’s scary to think that the things I think are good for me now, won’t be good to me in the long run. I admit I still have these thoughts. What if I do something that won’t benefit me later on? What if I think I know what I want and when I finally get it, it doesn’t satisfy nor fulfill me like I thought it would? What if this entire time I’m not really sure what I want for myself? And then I think about me in the future where I’m looking back at my decisions and am not happy with how my life turned out or I have regrets with my life. That’s the thing, isn’t it? Regret.

Somebody opened up to a few months ago about his life; how he feels like he passed up such a great opportunity when he was younger and is now paying for it, and due to him passing up that said opportunity, it lead his life to another path that he feels is not satisfying him. He talked briefly about it because it was the end of the day and I had to go home, but it’s been on my mind since he told me. I don’t think he’s happy with his relationship and who he’s with right now and I’m trying to be understanding of both parties.

One of my biggest fears in life is marrying somebody who, later on, I realize I no longer love, or vice versa. Or that I realize that it was a bad move or choice to marry that said person. But it would be too late when you realize it. You’ve already moved in with them or you have a family together. I’m not sure if it’s true when they say that you never really know somebody until you live with them, but I don’t want to take that long to finally get to know how someone is really like. If I realize that I not longer feel anything for my partner, I want to talk to them about it, and somehow come to a conclusion on what we can do. But I don’t want to realize that kind of thing when we’re all settled down.

I think regret is a big fear many of us have. In fact, I have never met anybody who doesn’t have regrets. It’s such a big part of our lives that it has the power to hold us back and refrain us from doing what we want to do. It chains us and makes us back out. There are constant thoughts inside our heads wondering if you’ll regret something later on in life. We become afraid of change because we might regret that it won’t be as fulfilling or good as what we had in the past. But change can be a beautiful thing too, right? Sure we regret things about our lives and how some things turned out but we still have the future to look forward to. I think it’s just a matter of how we face what is ahead of us rather than focusing on the past and having the past play such a big role in what is happening to our present that it refrains us from the future.

I don’t know how to not have regrets because I’ve always had them. I’ve always dealt with regretting things after doing them. I admit I’ve backed out of many things due to the constant worry that I might regret doing that thing later on. And it sucks, it really does. Because it holds me back from truly and fully experiencing what life has to offer me. There’s always that fear of being humiliated or getting my hopes up for something that won’t be as rewarding as I hyped it up to be. Often times, instead of learning from my mistakes, I focus on them so much and the fact that I hated that I did it, that I end up not doing things to make myself improve. Instead I just sulk in self-pity and blame myself for getting my hopes up for nothing. So I hope I quit doing that.

This is just an open letter to myself, and to anyone who reads this.

Life is great; not always, but for the most part it is. Life is, in fact, simultaneously the shortest yet also the longest thing that has ever been given to us. It’s too short to have regrets. It’s too short to focus on the regrets that you already have. It’s too short to have those regrets stop you from improving yourself – from going out there and making something of yourself. Everyday I try to forget what I regret in my past; the things I did and didn’t do, the things I said and didn’t say. I try to improve and use those past mistakes to better myself. It isn’t easy because life isn’t easy, therefore trying to forget your past mistakes and the regrets that were results of it are difficult to just brush off. But try. Try until you’re able to go out there and do what you will. The saying “live life with no regrets” will always prove false, because you cannot possibly live a lifetime without wishing you had or hadn’t done something. So just live as much as you can. Learn to move on because better things are coming. And like Marina Nemat said, “somewhere beyond the stars, the sun is rising.”

Advertisements

I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DEATH LATELY

I have been thinking about death lately. Not in a dark way, but rather how death is just something inevitable. Something that we can never escape now matter how hard we try. It’s a human experience that all of us have to go through someday.Read More »

ALL JOKES ASIDE

As you may have heard (multiple times already), last night was the coronation of the Miss Universe 2015. Many beautiful women were there but only one had to win and we all know what happened there, right? That awkward mishap of crowning Miss Colombia instead of Miss Philippines – we know about that, right?

Well, that whole situation has blown out of proportion. Let me just say this first: I am Filipino so yes I am happy for Pia and am glad that she won the competition. After the show, many have made jokes and created memes that are more so of insulting and rude than being funny. The term “Colombiazoned” has been circulating the Internet since last night and many jokes have been about Miss Colombia’s loss. This is very upsetting to me because it is so disrespectful.

People are using the term Colombiazoned to refer to a situation where one was made happy and then having that happiness be taken away. Now this, I don’t think is as bad as the other jokes that were made but in my opinion, it isn’t very polite to poke fun at a situation where someone (Miss Colombia) was hurting. Could you imagine that same thing happening to you? To have your LITERAL LIFE GOAL AND DREAM be given to you and have that taken away in just a span of two minutes while it’s being aired on LIVE TELEVISION WHERE THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING? Not so funny now, is it? I thought Filipinos were supposed to be respectful and kind, why are we doing this?

There are even jokes made about Miss Colombia roaming Twitter about how the crown was taken away from her and she doesn’t even have an idea because she can’t speak or understand english. How is this, in any way, slightly bit funny? What happened to her sucked and I can’t even begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now. I really don’t think it’s right for us to make jokes about what took place last night because yes, it was awkward and maybe funny for a little while, but the jokes got old really quickly and now they’re just mean. Put yourself in her shoe and think about what you would feel if you were her last night. Think about how you would feel if your ultimate life goal was achieved and given to you and then moments later they tell you that it’s for someone else. It sucks, doesn’t it? So what makes you think that it’s funny to poke fun and make jokes about the situation?

If anything, we should be applauding Miss Colombia for her positive sportsmanship and the way she reacted upon what happened. In my opinion, she should’ve been the one that took off the crown and put it on Pia’s head instead, then walk out gracefully as she did before being crowned. Miss Colombia doesn’t need a reminde of what happened so please, instead of laughing and making jokes out of it, congratulate her and applaud her for being such a good sport during the show.

On a different note, a lot of people are also getting heated about Steve Harvey’s mistake. Can we all accept that he made a mistake? It was an honest mistake, just like he says on Twitter. I’m so tired of people calling him out for making a mistake when he was literally in front of so many people, on top of that, the whole world was watching him at that very moment waiting for the name of the winner to be announced. Can you imagine the pressure he had at that very moment? I really appreciate the way he apologized because he said sorry, didn’t make excuses, and just went straight to the point that he read it wrong and announced the wrong name. At least he owned up to his mistake. Can we please stop the negativity and just let it go? This whole thing has gotten so big that it’s hurting other people’s feelings. It’s not funny anymore.

On the other hand, congratulations to Pia for winning the pageant. She deserved it as much as the other ladies who competed. She’s worked so hard for this and I love how humble she was about last night. She did amazing and her answer for the Q&A portion was on point. Anyway, look at how good she looked at the pageant.

Yup. I definitely have a girl crush on her.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

So I was scrolling through my Twitter timeline until I saw these posted:

(c) Twitter

(c) Twitter

(c) Twitter

Those two posts were originally from Tumblr and people posted them on Twitter but that’s not the point.

I’ve been thinking of writing a post like this for a long time, but just had no idea how to begin or how to word it out properly. Weirdly enough, something happened this week that related to the topic I’m going to talk about and upon those situations, I found those quotes/advices. Isn’t it funny how you randomly stumble upon posts that you relate to during the time that you need it?

Anyway, here’s the thing.

Love.

What is it? A four letter word that contains such powerful meaning. According to my phone’s dictionary, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. I’m not going to sugarcoat this introduction so I’m just going to go straight to my point.

You see, now, people seem to rush through getting into relationships. A lot of people just want to find The One already and just settle with that person. But I just want to talk to you, yes you, the person reading this. I have some advice for you. Read those three posts above until you remember it. Before you get into a relationship, I want you to know that you deserve nothing but the best. First, you have to know what you deserve, and then second, never settle for anything less than that. You are worth so much and you deserve someone who will give their best for you. Someone who will tell their friends about you even when you’re not around. You deserve someone who goes out of their way just to see you and talk to you and be with you. You deserve someone who will listen to your stories, how boring or bizarre they may be. You deserve someone who will be there for you, through trials and victories. You deserve someone who will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, someone who won’t leave you hanging and left out. You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes, even if they weren’t funny. You deserve reciprocated love. You deserve someone who isn’t embarrassed to talk about you and the times you both spent together. You deserve someone who will fight for what you have. Someone who will put as much as effort as you put in. You deserve someone who will care for you no matter what, no matter when, no matter where. Someone who will make you feel alright, someone who keeps you grounded and humble and kind. Don’t worry if that person isn’t here now, they will come and when they do, you are going to be so full of love that it will radiate through you and life will be so much better because they’re by your side.

On the other hand, here’s what you don’t deserve. You don’t deserve someone who belittles you. Someone who makes fun of what you enjoy doing, may that be drawing or singing or writing or anything. You don’t deserve someone who makes you feel uncomfortable when you’re around them. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t care about you. Someone who doesn’t appreciate what you do for them and someone who doesn’t think about the efforts you put in for them. You don’t deserve unrequited love. You don’t deserve made up lies. You don’t deserve someone who ignores you. Someone who, in the relationship, only talks about themselves, and never asks you anything about yourself (i.e.: how was your day, how are you feeling, did you get home safely, etc.). You don’t deserve someone who invalidates your feelings or opinions. You don’t deserve someone who makes you cry constantly. You don’t deserve someone who makes you think twice about why you’re with them. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there, someone who doesn’t talk about how much they love you. You don’t deserve someone who makes you feel like you constantly have to change yourself for their own comfort. You don’t deserve someone who you have to worry constantly whether you’re pleasing them or not. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t pay attention at all to what you have to say. You don’t deserve that kind of love. Heck, that’s not even love to begin with. Like I said earlier, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Therefore, there must be some affection in between the both of you. You deserve nothing but the absolute best. And if you’re with someone who makes you feel sh*tty about yourself, then know that you deserve better. It’s not worth loving someone who constantly demeans you, it’s exhausting. You deserve all kinds of love in the world. I honestly can’t emphasize that enough.

Letting go of people who are toxic in your life and cause negativity may be easier said than done. But life gets SO much better and brighter when you do let go of them. Rid yourself off of people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. Rid yourself off of people who cause troubles and burdens in your life. You are better off without them. Find someone who uplifts you, someone who encourages you to be a better person, someone who motivates you. Find someone who will be there through good times, and bad times, through rough and smooth. Find someone who will stick with you through thick and thin. And I sure do hope that one day, you find someone who is exactly all of that and more.

5 YEARS FROM NOW

I was at the dentist flipping through the pages of the magazines when one question written at the bottom of a page struck me.

 “What would you tell your 20 year old self?”

I thought about it and I now have the answer. I decided to put it in a letter- a letter to the 20 year old me.

Dear me,

Hi. I’m your 15 year old self talking to you- the 20 year old version of me. You’ve gone through 2 decades, 2 ten years. That’s quite long but you will live through more. The struggles you’ve faced are tiny compared to the struggles you will face. I need you to promise me one thing- that you will keep on keeping on. You will not give up no matter how hard the situation may be, no matter how difficult it is to get through. You will face several problems that will make you feel like you don’t want to deal with them anymore. There will be dark days, but there will be sunny ones with birds chirping and cold lemonade stands, too. So just hold on and get yourself together. You can do this.

There will be problems such as financial issues, educational stuff, boys and relationships, and other bumps in the road. You will be piled with so much work from school that may make you feel like you don’t want to do any of them. You will need money (preferably quite a lot) to get through school and life in general. But remember, you are still 20. That’s still quite young. You still have so much ahead of you to be worrying about these things. But here’s one thing I can tell you, you are bigger than the problems you face. You are better than the trials you’re going through and you’re going to overcome them with the help of the people you love.

Boys and relationships will become a problem. You will, or have already, go through or gone through breakup(s). You will lose and gain friends who will either make you or break you. But here’s the thing, your relationships with these people shape up who you are. Boyfriends can be problems, but they can be great if you find a good guy. Remember what you told your dad when he asked you what kind of guy you were looking for, “mabait and God-fearing” and remember what you told your mom when she asked you the same question, “someone who dresses nicely para hindi ko sya ma-outshine when putting outfits together”. What you told your dad was more important, although you did say once you wanted a guy with dimples. Ahh yes, dimples. Anyway, find someone who will treat you right. And I cannot express that enough. Find someone who will treat you right. Someone who will see the beauty in you even in your ugliest, most laziest, I-just-got-out-of-bed-I-haven’t-brushed-my-teeth-yet look. Find someone who will make flowers grow in even the saddest parts of you. Someone who will make you so happy than happiness radiates from your smile and other people become happy when they see you smile. Find someone who loves God, and fears Him, and someone who has values and knows what’s right and wrong. Remember: no sex before marriage. You know the rules, your parents have told you this so many times. Doesn’t matter if someone calls you lame for still being a virgin at 20, who cares really?! It’s your sexual life, why do they care if you’re still a virgin? Find a guy who has the same beliefs as you. Find someone who will bring you out of your comfort zone. But hey, you’re still 20. You don’t necessarily HAVE TO have a boyfriend at this age. If you don’t have anyone at the moment, just remember that relationships take time. Meeting and getting to know someone on a deep, intellectual, and emotional way doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye. Don’t rush it, darating din yung tamang panahon.

Here’s another thing: don’t forget where you came from. Lagi mo’ng alalahanin yung mga reasons that caused you to be where you are- the people who made you the person you are today. Wala ka kung hindi dahil dun sa mga bagay na yon. Talk to your relatives back home, tell your parents you love them, give back, be down to earth. Don’t be egotistical, it never ends up good. Also don’t forget to thank God, for everything He’s given you. Marami na Siya’ng ginawa for you. Nakakahiya naman if you won’t take at least 20 seconds from your day to just say thank You, diba?

Don’t stress yourself too much about your future, just enjoy the Now. You will lose track of all the good memories of the Now if you keep thinking about your future. It’s okay to not know what you want to be still. It’s okay to fail. You’re not perfect and you never will be, so don’t stress yourself out too much. Stop worrying, you’ll get wrinkles if you do. Just keep doing your best, always be thankful, and don’t forget where you came from. He has so much planned for you, so don’t give up! Keri mo ‘yan, teh! Bilib ako sayo!

Love, 

Shay, the 15 year old

What advice would you tell your 20 year old self? If you’re older, what would you have told your 20 year old self? Are you happy with how your 20 year old self turned out?