AN APPRECIATION POST FOR FRANK OCEAN

Before I get started I want to begin by saying I’m no music connoisseur, I simply just enjoy listening. Music is very important to me and I tend to attach certain parts of my life with albums and songs and I think that being able to relate yourself and your experiences to music makes listening more enjoyable and personal. The main artist whose music is very personal to me is Frank Ocean. I’ve never heard of another artist who has ever made me feel the way his music makes me feel.

Frank Ocean is one of my favourite artists of all time. I genuinely do not think he has a single bad song. Even his worst song is better than other artists’ best song. Everything he’s put out, whether it’s a single, an album, or a feature, has been good, if not great. He always delivers no matter how annoyingly long the wait is.

I write this post because mainly because I found this tweet last night:

I have many thoughts about picking which album I like better or which album is better in general, but I personally can’t choose between the two because they are both extremely personal to me and my life that choosing between them would be like asking me who my favourite child is, given that I’m going to have any.

Anyway, I want to break down Frank’s two albums, channel ORANGE and Blonde, and write about my feelings and experiences with both albums because they are both very, very special to me.

channel ORANGE (2012)

channel ORANGE was the album that built Frank’s reputation, along with nostalgia, ULTRA. of course. nostalgia, ULTRA gave Frank a pretty solid fanbase, it pretty much brought together Odd Future fans as well as new Frank fans, but a year later, when channel ORANGE was released, Frank’s career took off faster than it did when he was in Odd Future. CO affected the way that Frank’s fans listened to Blonde, and I think that in itself makes the album great. CO also has great features: Earl Sweatshirt, Andre 3000, and John Mayer. The album was just so sonically pleasing and the overall production was incredible. Each track was great on its own and when listening to the album, it seems more cohesive to me than Blonde is. There was a point in time where I thought that no other album would ever top or even be on par with channel ORANGE but boy, was I wrong because Frank pulled through with Blonde, which to this day, am still not sure if it’s better than channel ORANGE.

The album, if personified, almost seems like a friend who is sharing their life experiences with you while you were away on vacation. They’re telling you about what they did, who was there with them, what they felt and thought, etc. To me it feels like two friends catching up, the story teller being Frank, and the listener being the person who was away for a certain period of time. At the same time, channel ORANGE is like the perfect album to listen to when you’re partying with people you don’t really even like, but still you stay at that party because there’s alcohol (and drugs).

channel ORANGE was the Frank album for me. It was the album that fully introduced me to Frank because I first heard of him on Tumblr when he dropped nostalgia, ULTRA but it wasn’t until after my friend Ashlye (yes, that’s how her name is spelled) did a cover of Thinkin Bout You that I was not just a casual fan, but a fan fan. That song was everywhere that summer; I always read its lyrics online but never really bothered listening until I heard Ashlye sing it. I thought the song was amazing so I googled it and stumbled upon the rest of the channel ORANGE album which was released that year. I then gave the album a listen and then everything else followed.

This album means a lot to me mainly because of the “childhood” attachment that I have to it. Like I mentioned, it was the first Frank album I listened to in full. It pretty much grew up and grew old with me. I was in middle school when this album dropped and it was the album that I was playing going into high school, and I still play it now that I’m in university. It was almost like a friend but in music form, because it’s what was always playing through my earphones whenever I walked to and from school, when I’m doing homework, when I’m sleeping, etc. There are only a very few albums that I listened to when I was a preteen that stayed with me until now, and channel ORANGE is one of them. This album was special, it still is.

I remember being invited to a party in freshman year and I decided not to go because I knew I didn’t really like the people that were there and also because they weren’t really my friends. There wasn’t any point of going if I’m just going to drink and stand in the corner by myself the whole night. It reminded me of Super Rich Kids, where people, in a way, pretend to like each other only because they’re together at a party. I’ve always been surrounded by rich kids, and to be honest I never really had anything in common with them, so I just decided to stay home instead of act “fake” towards them and pretend that we get along the entire night.

My favourite track from channel ORANGE is Lost, which is quite funny because it explained exactly how I felt during freshman year. I was in a “relationship” back then with this guy who I didn’t really personally know beforehand, but we did like each other so we stayed together. I remember being overwhelmed because he had friends that had big personalities, which isn’t bad, but whenever I was with him and his friends, it just felt like I was being left out in a way. I felt kind of lost and out of place as if I didn’t really belong there, let alone belong with him, but I was too attached to really let go and leave at the time.

Anyways, channel ORANGE has been with me since I was 12, and I’m 19 now so it’s been quite some years. That album is almost like a childhood friend to me; it doesn’t matter how many days, or months, or years, I go by without listening to it, I still eventually come back to it and feel good because it’s always been there for me. This album feels like home. I had been playing this album on repeat and I’ve never gotten tired of it, I don’t think I will ever get tired of it. It holds a special place in my heart and in my life because without it, I never would have known about Frank so early on in my life. I’m genuinely grateful for the existence of this album. I don’t think I can ever detach myself from it, it holds too many sentimental memories for me.

Blonde (2016)
I don’t even want to begin talking about how long the wait was for this. 2016 was an entire rollercoaster ride from Endless to Blonde but after four long years of waiting, Frank finally released his sophomore album: Blonde. I still remember where I was when it was released: I was in the living room with my parents watching the live action Jungle Book movie and I checked Twitter and everybody was freaking out about how Frank dropped another album after having just released Endless the day before. I ran to my room quickly, opened the windows and the sun was setting and I had a clear view of the sunset. I took my earphones and pressed play and I fell in love with the album faster than anything else. Little did I know that this was going to be the start of everything else.

This album is point blank my favourite album of all time. It’s the only album I ever actually purchased off iTunes. Every song tells a story, from unrequited love to the exploration of one’s identity to growing up — it’s just perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love with an album faster than I did with Blonde. The beats switch in Nights is amazing on its own, I feel like my soul is ascending from my body whenever it comes on. The second verse of Nikes feels like meditation. Solo (Reprise) is incredible, thanks to Andre 3000.

It’s particularly special to me because of how personal, pure, and raw it is. Frank isn’t a very public person, nobody ever really knows where he is or what he’s doing, if he’s in love or not, or if an album is coming or if we’d have to wait for another four years. That’s really what I like most about him. In a day and age where almost everything is immediately posted online seconds before and after it happens, Frank’s ability to stay private despite of the existence of social media really just amazes me. His private life is his, and he keeps and has always kept it separate from his public life. But Blonde was where he was able to pour his feelings and emotions into. He wore his heart on his sleeve on this album, and just for that, it made listening to this album much more different than listening to channel ORANGE.

Not only that but this album was the soundtrack to my existence when I was 16. Summer 2016 was when I moved houses and schools, I left my childhood friends behind to move to a place where I didn’t know anybody. This album came at the perfect time especially when I listened to Self Control. The song felt like an “end of the summer” song, and it was as if I was about to enter a new chapter in my life, which I was, because I was starting from scratch after I moved places. Unrequited love was also just way too familiar for me, and Self Control hit a little too deep during Summer of 2017. I’ll talk about this later.

Attending a different high school that summer brought me a lot of anxiety, but when I listened to Solo, it felt like Frank was telling me it was going to be okay. I was also having problems with my best friend at the time and it was just a lot for me to take in. In Solo, Frank sings, “inhale, in hell, there’s heaven,” and that felt incredibly personal. I’m genuinely considering getting a tattoo of that specific lyric. Anyway, that song felt like a breath of fresh air, and it was refreshing to be reminded that it’s all going to work out, maybe not now, but eventually.

I mentioned that Self Control hit deep in 2017 because that was when I really liked this guy from school. I was kind of in love with him to be honest, and I hate saying that because it’s so goddamn cheesy so I apologize. We were friends at the time but I started catching feelings for him and eventually I realized that it was just a one-sided thing since I was the only one that had romantic feelings. The line, “I came to visit cause you see me like a UFO,” hit so close to home. I didn’t hold it against him, because after all, he was still my friend and I still wanted to be his friend, I still wanted to be in his life and him in mine. So it was kind of what Frank was talking about in the song, where he was saying “keep a place for me, for me,” because I wanted him to still have a place for me in his life despite all the things we’ve gone through. We’re no longer friends because something happened that I won’t and don’t want to go into, but I got over him eventually, but whenever I listen to Self Control, or even Ivy, I remember him, and it used to hurt a lot, but it’s okay now.

There are a lot of songs from Blonde that I could relate to, and I won’t go into details because then it would take so long to type it all out. That album was the soundtrack of my life, and I hold it so close to my heart because I wouldn’t be the person I am now without it. It was there for me when I was going through the saddest times in my life, and it’s still there for me now. I don’t think there’s a day that’s gone by where I didn’t listen to it, and I’m not even exaggerating. It’s really just perfect.

Frank’s writing on this album is incredible. I have never related to an album more than this one, and I applaud Frank for the amount of courage it must have taken him to write about his life and his feelings. The replay value this album has is beyond me. Every single time I listen to it, it takes me back to when I first heard it in my room that one August afternoon in 2016. It’s as though it was released the day before and I’m listening to it with fresh ears. I wish I could delete it from my memory just so I could listen to it all over again and then feel the same feelings I did the first time I hit play.

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Frank Ocean quite literally changed my life. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without his music. He was the artist that made me truly appreciate music and how it’s made — from songwriting to production to its release. No other artist has ever impressed me as much as he does and that says a lot because I listen to a lot of artists, but nothing has ever been as personal as Frank’s. His music strikes a personal chord with me mainly because of the feeling of loneliness, unrequited love, and finding yourself in a confusing environment.

He has stayed relevant without any drama or controversy attached to his name. His sound is unique, and you can always expect something new from him. Every track tells a story and even though many of them have the same theme or idea, they are told in a way  that is so specific and intricate that no two songs sound the same. He can have his listeners visualize in their heads what he’s talking/singing about, and it takes a really good artist to do that.

If you haven’t listened to him, please do. And if you don’t like him or are not a fan of him, that’s okay. I wish you find yourself an artist whose music can make you feel the same way that Frank’s music makes me feel; an artist whose music you can keep coming back to and no matter how many times you listen to their songs, you don’t get tired, because every listen feels like the first time.

 

WRONG TURN

I once read a quote by Beau Taplin that said:

Sometimes a decision you might consider a regret or failure can turn out to be a catalyst for something extraordinary in the end. Some of life’s wildest journeys begin with a wrong turn.

With highschool graduation fast approaching, I can’t help but reconsider and think about my past choices as well as the ones I’m making now, and the ones I will be making in the near future. It’s scary to think that the things I think are good for me now, won’t be good to me in the long run. I admit I still have these thoughts. What if I do something that won’t benefit me later on? What if I think I know what I want and when I finally get it, it doesn’t satisfy nor fulfill me like I thought it would? What if this entire time I’m not really sure what I want for myself? And then I think about me in the future where I’m looking back at my decisions and am not happy with how my life turned out or I have regrets with my life. That’s the thing, isn’t it? Regret.

Somebody opened up to a few months ago about his life; how he feels like he passed up such a great opportunity when he was younger and is now paying for it, and due to him passing up that said opportunity, it lead his life to another path that he feels is not satisfying him. He talked briefly about it because it was the end of the day and I had to go home, but it’s been on my mind since he told me. I don’t think he’s happy with his relationship and who he’s with right now and I’m trying to be understanding of both parties.

One of my biggest fears in life is marrying somebody who, later on, I realize I no longer love, or vice versa. Or that I realize that it was a bad move or choice to marry that said person. But it would be too late when you realize it. You’ve already moved in with them or you have a family together. I’m not sure if it’s true when they say that you never really know somebody until you live with them, but I don’t want to take that long to finally get to know how someone is really like. If I realize that I not longer feel anything for my partner, I want to talk to them about it, and somehow come to a conclusion on what we can do. But I don’t want to realize that kind of thing when we’re all settled down.

I think regret is a big fear many of us have. In fact, I have never met anybody who doesn’t have regrets. It’s such a big part of our lives that it has the power to hold us back and refrain us from doing what we want to do. It chains us and makes us back out. There are constant thoughts inside our heads wondering if you’ll regret something later on in life. We become afraid of change because we might regret that it won’t be as fulfilling or good as what we had in the past. But change can be a beautiful thing too, right? Sure we regret things about our lives and how some things turned out but we still have the future to look forward to. I think it’s just a matter of how we face what is ahead of us rather than focusing on the past and having the past play such a big role in what is happening to our present that it refrains us from the future.

I don’t know how to not have regrets because I’ve always had them. I’ve always dealt with regretting things after doing them. I admit I’ve backed out of many things due to the constant worry that I might regret doing that thing later on. And it sucks, it really does. Because it holds me back from truly and fully experiencing what life has to offer me. There’s always that fear of being humiliated or getting my hopes up for something that won’t be as rewarding as I hyped it up to be. Often times, instead of learning from my mistakes, I focus on them so much and the fact that I hated that I did it, that I end up not doing things to make myself improve. Instead I just sulk in self-pity and blame myself for getting my hopes up for nothing. So I hope I quit doing that.

This is just an open letter to myself, and to anyone who reads this.

Life is great; not always, but for the most part it is. Life is, in fact, simultaneously the shortest yet also the longest thing that has ever been given to us. It’s too short to have regrets. It’s too short to focus on the regrets that you already have. It’s too short to have those regrets stop you from improving yourself – from going out there and making something of yourself. Everyday I try to forget what I regret in my past; the things I did and didn’t do, the things I said and didn’t say. I try to improve and use those past mistakes to better myself. It isn’t easy because life isn’t easy, therefore trying to forget your past mistakes and the regrets that were results of it are difficult to just brush off. But try. Try until you’re able to go out there and do what you will. The saying “live life with no regrets” will always prove false, because you cannot possibly live a lifetime without wishing you had or hadn’t done something. So just live as much as you can. Learn to move on because better things are coming. And like Marina Nemat said, “somewhere beyond the stars, the sun is rising.”

I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DEATH LATELY

I have been thinking about death lately. Not in a dark way, but rather how death is just something inevitable. Something that we can never escape now matter how hard we try. It’s a human experience that all of us have to go through someday.

ALL JOKES ASIDE

As you may have heard (multiple times already), last night was the coronation of the Miss Universe 2015. Many beautiful women were there but only one had to win and we all know what happened there, right? That awkward mishap of crowning Miss Colombia instead of Miss Philippines – we know about that, right?

Well, that whole situation has blown out of proportion. Let me just say this first: I am Filipino so yes I am happy for Pia and am glad that she won the competition. After the show, many have made jokes and created memes that are more so of insulting and rude than being funny. The term “Colombiazoned” has been circulating the Internet since last night and many jokes have been about Miss Colombia’s loss. This is very upsetting to me because it is so disrespectful.

People are using the term Colombiazoned to refer to a situation where one was made happy and then having that happiness be taken away. Now this, I don’t think is as bad as the other jokes that were made but in my opinion, it isn’t very polite to poke fun at a situation where someone (Miss Colombia) was hurting. Could you imagine that same thing happening to you? To have your LITERAL LIFE GOAL AND DREAM be given to you and have that taken away in just a span of two minutes while it’s being aired on LIVE TELEVISION WHERE THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING? Not so funny now, is it? I thought Filipinos were supposed to be respectful and kind, why are we doing this?

There are even jokes made about Miss Colombia roaming Twitter about how the crown was taken away from her and she doesn’t even have an idea because she can’t speak or understand english. How is this, in any way, slightly bit funny? What happened to her sucked and I can’t even begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now. I really don’t think it’s right for us to make jokes about what took place last night because yes, it was awkward and maybe funny for a little while, but the jokes got old really quickly and now they’re just mean. Put yourself in her shoe and think about what you would feel if you were her last night. Think about how you would feel if your ultimate life goal was achieved and given to you and then moments later they tell you that it’s for someone else. It sucks, doesn’t it? So what makes you think that it’s funny to poke fun and make jokes about the situation?

If anything, we should be applauding Miss Colombia for her positive sportsmanship and the way she reacted upon what happened. In my opinion, she should’ve been the one that took off the crown and put it on Pia’s head instead, then walk out gracefully as she did before being crowned. Miss Colombia doesn’t need a reminde of what happened so please, instead of laughing and making jokes out of it, congratulate her and applaud her for being such a good sport during the show.

On a different note, a lot of people are also getting heated about Steve Harvey’s mistake. Can we all accept that he made a mistake? It was an honest mistake, just like he says on Twitter. I’m so tired of people calling him out for making a mistake when he was literally in front of so many people, on top of that, the whole world was watching him at that very moment waiting for the name of the winner to be announced. Can you imagine the pressure he had at that very moment? I really appreciate the way he apologized because he said sorry, didn’t make excuses, and just went straight to the point that he read it wrong and announced the wrong name. At least he owned up to his mistake. Can we please stop the negativity and just let it go? This whole thing has gotten so big that it’s hurting other people’s feelings. It’s not funny anymore.

On the other hand, congratulations to Pia for winning the pageant. She deserved it as much as the other ladies who competed. She’s worked so hard for this and I love how humble she was about last night. She did amazing and her answer for the Q&A portion was on point. Anyway, look at how good she looked at the pageant.

Yup. I definitely have a girl crush on her.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

So I was scrolling through my Twitter timeline until I saw these posted:

(c) Twitter

(c) Twitter

(c) Twitter

Those two posts were originally from Tumblr and people posted them on Twitter but that’s not the point.

I’ve been thinking of writing a post like this for a long time, but just had no idea how to begin or how to word it out properly. Weirdly enough, something happened this week that related to the topic I’m going to talk about and upon those situations, I found those quotes/advices. Isn’t it funny how you randomly stumble upon posts that you relate to during the time that you need it?

Anyway, here’s the thing.

Love.

What is it? A four letter word that contains such powerful meaning. According to my phone’s dictionary, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. I’m not going to sugarcoat this introduction so I’m just going to go straight to my point.

You see, now, people seem to rush through getting into relationships. A lot of people just want to find The One already and just settle with that person. But I just want to talk to you, yes you, the person reading this. I have some advice for you. Read those three posts above until you remember it. Before you get into a relationship, I want you to know that you deserve nothing but the best. First, you have to know what you deserve, and then second, never settle for anything less than that. You are worth so much and you deserve someone who will give their best for you. Someone who will tell their friends about you even when you’re not around. You deserve someone who goes out of their way just to see you and talk to you and be with you. You deserve someone who will listen to your stories, how boring or bizarre they may be. You deserve someone who will be there for you, through trials and victories. You deserve someone who will make you feel like you’re on top of the world, someone who won’t leave you hanging and left out. You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes, even if they weren’t funny. You deserve reciprocated love. You deserve someone who isn’t embarrassed to talk about you and the times you both spent together. You deserve someone who will fight for what you have. Someone who will put as much as effort as you put in. You deserve someone who will care for you no matter what, no matter when, no matter where. Someone who will make you feel alright, someone who keeps you grounded and humble and kind. Don’t worry if that person isn’t here now, they will come and when they do, you are going to be so full of love that it will radiate through you and life will be so much better because they’re by your side.

On the other hand, here’s what you don’t deserve. You don’t deserve someone who belittles you. Someone who makes fun of what you enjoy doing, may that be drawing or singing or writing or anything. You don’t deserve someone who makes you feel uncomfortable when you’re around them. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t care about you. Someone who doesn’t appreciate what you do for them and someone who doesn’t think about the efforts you put in for them. You don’t deserve unrequited love. You don’t deserve made up lies. You don’t deserve someone who ignores you. Someone who, in the relationship, only talks about themselves, and never asks you anything about yourself (i.e.: how was your day, how are you feeling, did you get home safely, etc.). You don’t deserve someone who invalidates your feelings or opinions. You don’t deserve someone who makes you cry constantly. You don’t deserve someone who makes you think twice about why you’re with them. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there, someone who doesn’t talk about how much they love you. You don’t deserve someone who makes you feel like you constantly have to change yourself for their own comfort. You don’t deserve someone who you have to worry constantly whether you’re pleasing them or not. You don’t deserve someone who doesn’t pay attention at all to what you have to say. You don’t deserve that kind of love. Heck, that’s not even love to begin with. Like I said earlier, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Therefore, there must be some affection in between the both of you. You deserve nothing but the absolute best. And if you’re with someone who makes you feel sh*tty about yourself, then know that you deserve better. It’s not worth loving someone who constantly demeans you, it’s exhausting. You deserve all kinds of love in the world. I honestly can’t emphasize that enough.

Letting go of people who are toxic in your life and cause negativity may be easier said than done. But life gets SO much better and brighter when you do let go of them. Rid yourself off of people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. Rid yourself off of people who cause troubles and burdens in your life. You are better off without them. Find someone who uplifts you, someone who encourages you to be a better person, someone who motivates you. Find someone who will be there through good times, and bad times, through rough and smooth. Find someone who will stick with you through thick and thin. And I sure do hope that one day, you find someone who is exactly all of that and more.